138. 128. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Life gives the test first and then the lesson. 26. Envelope. They allow you to focus on the positive and what is working in your life rather than dwelling on the negative. I love my body. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! I am too lazy to be lazy. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. 16. 212. 87. Declare your affirmations slowly and clearly. I am so f*cking awesome. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. Affirmations can be written in a journal, spoken out loud, or visualized as a conversation between you and money. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. 252. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. I can always be fatter. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. Im thinking like a proton, always positive., 9. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. 154. My cankles will hold me. 77. 102. 77. My friends are like rocks, they help me through hard times. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. Focus on the positives and be grateful. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. I can always think of something funny to say. Why cant you trust an atom? 8. I enjoy every minute of it. Cry a river. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. 134. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? - Bette Midler. Hes dreaming too. But even if this does happen, who cares? 75. Its okay, he woke up. 76. - Benjamin Franklin. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Ben Hogan. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? Stop playing with me., 6. Only two more days until Friday.". I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. 93. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. 221. Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. 26. 118. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? 194. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. 125. 63. We have a connection. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. 23. 28. Whatever the case may be, these 15 affirmations will make you feel confident in your sense of humor: Once youre feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. Bill Murray, 258. Love your enemies. 39 funny positive affirmations. 139. Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. Exercise? I dont have everything I want, but I have all I need. Shoot for the moon. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. 99. 28. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. 279. It is already tomorrow in Australia.". Never test how deep the water is with both feet. 191. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. You might use humor as a coping mechanism. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. What do I do for a living? 164. Robert Bloch - Marcus Tullius Cicero. I am capable of eating a family-sized bag of chips. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. 187. 230. All rights reserved. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? Those who snore always fall asleep first. Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. 3. Bill Murray, 257. 56. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. Im describing you. 105. 32. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. Send me the link. It gets toad away. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. If you woke up feeling drained and blurry, these funny affirmations will boost your energy and get you ready to slay the day! 94. 88. Allow your body to absorb the positivity of your words by repeating them to yourself. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. Here's some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? 123. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. All you need is love. Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. 152. They planet. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. They are a powerful tool you can use to change your attitude, your perspective on life and shift from a negative to a positive mindset. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Choose words that make you feel confident about yourself. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. 9. Look, youre smiling! 204. Rodney Dangerfield, 198. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. I dont suffer from insanity. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Sincerely, the floor. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. Dont let anything or anyone stop you from achieving what you truly aspire. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes. 8. 122. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? 12. - Roy T. Bennett. Yeah, so is a grenade. 66. Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) . Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? 239. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. 274. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. You can only be young once. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. Im still gonna do dumb stuff, only slower., See also: 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 8. "Have a great Wednesday. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield. 218. 137. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. 43. Good morning! My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. A wishbone. 111. 217. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor. Why did the school kids eat their homework? The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. 93. 217. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. I'm sorry, I have to quickly disable alarm level brown. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Over time, when you use these affirmations, your mind begins to equate new words with weight loss. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. 129. ( @malacollective) Fear and adventure go hand-in-hand when you're following your dreams. I enjoy every minute of it. My sense of humor makes the world a better place., 8. 262. I have committed to being my most outstanding self. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. 6. Today, I am thankful for this week. 2. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. With a cowculator. 79. I am here to live to the fullest. 143. "What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger.". 2. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. If only common sense were more common. 2. 2. 8. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. "I make people laugh, whether it's with me or at me.". Helen Giangregorio 260. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. 197. Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. 179. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. 43. I intend to live forever. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. Build a bridge. 5. Bill Murray, 260. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt. What doesnt kill you makes your drinks stronger., 10. Because they make up everything. Life always offers you a second chance. Once you're feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. God has never abandoned me. 86. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. 276. I might take a nap if I get tired, but I wont quit. 135. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. 74. 239. What do you call a bear with no teeth? Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. My body deserves healthy food and exercise, not junk food or laziness. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade., 14. They planet. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic. 45. 18. 130. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre overwhelmed, stressed, or just dealing with negative self-talk. no rich foods. How do you count cows? You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. Frances McDormand You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! My liver still works. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. Read the first word again. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. Roy Lichtenstein. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. Quotes To Inspire You (MLK), 80 Life Gets Better Quotes To Brighten Your Day (Hope), 50 Bad Luck Quotes When You Feel Ill-Fated. If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. Just like every Monday does on Earth. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. 143. "Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life". Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. P.D. Oh sheet! 7. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. Life always offers you a second chance. 104. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? 155. 23. 210. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. Not me, but somebody does. Envelope. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. "Disconnect to connect.". Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of a Single Mom, Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of Midlife Relationships, Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? It makes them so damned mad. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? 209. "If you see me talking to myself. There are endless opportunities. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. I am constantly growing and improving. Steve Martin, 254. 27. Stop trying to make everyone happy. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. Well, life isn't just about glitz and glamour nor rainbows and butterflies. 27. 14. I receive what I believe. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. 128. No matter what a mess I am, my kids adore me. Thank God Im an atheist. 121. Wilson Mizner Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits., 8. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different.
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